you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
