Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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