Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize