I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize