Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
