I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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