why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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