My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
