My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
