Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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