You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
