If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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