Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
