People with herpes should wear stickers.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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