im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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