Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she peed on how many people?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
