I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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