i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
