In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize