I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
