so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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