Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
