You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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