Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
