Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
