I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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