Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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