Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
