I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
