I feel great
I just peed on a car
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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