I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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