It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
