dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
