dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
