I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
