I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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