i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
