We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize