I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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