We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
