your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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