Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think people are normalizing furries
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
