he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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