Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
