He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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