Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
