??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Welp...herpes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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