did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
