If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
