I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The power of my boobs compel you
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
