And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
