It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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