$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
