he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
