Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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