this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
