Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
