Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He kissed a someone with a penis
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
