I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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