Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
