They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
