It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
