He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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