You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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