Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
