He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
