I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
