just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
