Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
handjob tips. give me some.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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