p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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