omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
